I don't have the patience nor the desire to relay the entire course of events that have led to my current condition but I will try my best to give you a brief overview.
All I ever wanted in the whole world is to be heard. For people to take what I've restlessly trained to travel between my heart and mouth and feel every clause, word and intonation as it was felt when inspiration impaled through me. I've had this inherent desire to hold an audience interned in my being since adolescence. The hallow-cheeked man-boy with mile-wide gestures and the abysmal voice that seems to have an opinion on everything is the same froggy stresses emitted from a small boy, fifteen years ago, whose daily goal was to have the most laughs out of the few comparable jokesters of his caliber. I've bore and shed artistic, literary and political aspirations throughout my lifetime but one thing that has remained despite the seemingly unending evolution of Rodney Blu Wilson is his need for an audience.
Today, I've been denied everything I've set my sights on other than life I hope for every night if I'm fortunate enough to arise the next morning. The university is threatening to deny me the means of attaining the education I'm existentially entitled to, every employer I've actively sought out by means of my aching, blistered and cramping size thirteens, denied me an opportunity to prove my contribution and worth to, repudiated my requests - when all either of them had to do, whether the university or, at least, one - just one! - of four employers I implored, had to do was listen to me.
I'm saying something, I know I am.
I mean, I hate to look at my impending inability to attend the University of not only my, but my mother's choice, as any benefit to me, however it goes without saying I've always felt the American Education System was a trap - attempting to lead me and those like me to believe that our unbridled patronage to a state institution through money, time and dedication will better my standing in the working world when in reality it's just keeping those who seek to have the biggest impact on society for accomplishing what we all know we can achieve now. So their verdict to withhold my financial aid dispersement (preventing me from paying a steadily rising tuition), deny me my academic transcripts (preventing me from enrolling in a less expensive and probably more productive community college) and revoking my ability to use a number of student resources (preventing me from assessing my situation with the guidance of academic counseling) over a $60 parking ticket that was never issued to me shows me the priority of the institution I've sold myself to. I refuse to smile and say I'm no longer a student because of a $60 parking ticket because that's fucking sad. It'd probably be in my best interest to seek out some means of paying them sure, but I'm an idealist. And before I consider bending over backwards to meet their unmerited demands, I've taken time to assess whether or not an organization so petty as to deny me the pursuit of an education is even worth a funky ass $60. It's hard for me to write about this because I'm so ashamed. I'm not a dropout. I refuse to be. I work tirelessly everyday to find an avenue to voice the discrepancies in the system but, like life has shown me throughout these last two decades, just because you need an audience doesn't mean you'll receive one. Thus, my lamentations have gone unheard.
As meaningless and fraud as the totem of currency has become over the course of American History, it is undeniable that individuals, entities and the very structural foundation of our society is fueled by the rotation and exchange of dollars. And as unfortunate and debated as the fact is, an individual's worth in society is determined by not by his output of labor but his accumulation of funds. I know this, undertand this and have lived this for quite some time. Since reaching the legal age of employment I've sought and maintained it and it wasn't until more recent times that it has become an ordeal to find occupational opportunities. I've used every deductive method in my arsenal to solve for why I fail in finding steady employment. The numerous entry-level positions for which I've inquired have standards that offend my personal proficiencies but because that's what's made available to me, employers have the leverage to dismiss my requests despite my over-qualifications. Gas stations. Restaurants. Bars. Retail establishments. All have turned me away for no other reason than they just don't want me. My schedule has never been an issue, I have a respectable work history for a 20-year old "college student", I'm articulate and professional and despite my mane and prepubescent facial fuzz, I'm clean-cut at every angle therefore, most of my denials are often shielded behind such defenses as "come back in two or three weeks." or "we're not hiring at the moment but we're accepting applications." or "we'll call you when something becomes available." blatantly affronting my time, effort as well as my intelligence. I hate to sound pompous but anything that requires only a stable work history, weekend availability and a high school diploma/GED is beneath me! Nevertheless, in my efforts to assimilate into the systematic abuse of human labor known as the Work Force, I have and will continue to seek opportunities within these cesspools of mediocrity until I attain something that will temporarily line my pockets. (sighs)
On the contrary, however, I wrote today. I wrote my skinny little fingers off because I had something to say and in face of all that befell me today, against the page - a dependent verification form, to be exact - against that page I emerged victorious.
Everybody doubted me and said I wasn’t cut for it,
But I refused to let discouragers take away my love for it.
I suffered and because of it I’ve felt the worst and made it through,
No one gave me a chance so I decided I should take a few.
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